I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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