What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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