I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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