ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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