Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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