if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
