who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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