Me. At least after what I've been through.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
