we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Randomize
