I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
