Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
