all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
