check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
