I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Let's get the cat blown out
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
