I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
