when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
