i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
