hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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