I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
