...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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