Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
