It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My life is pants optional.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
