You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
