She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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