my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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