Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
