I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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