There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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