Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
