SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
