This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
