sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
