Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
