Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
