hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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