So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
