remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
