shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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