Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
