i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
