so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
