I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
