nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
