Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
