the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
