I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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