even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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