how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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