every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
