I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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