u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
