For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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